Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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