there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
