Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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