FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
