Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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