david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my being single is dangerous.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
