That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
