Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
is wine microwaveable?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
