Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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