I feel like abortions should bother me more
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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