Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
