walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
