i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
