wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
