I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
