I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
