she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
