Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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