Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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