apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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