What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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