The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
