I just made out with a guy for $7.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
