If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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