Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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