The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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