God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
