The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
