4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
