So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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