I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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