Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
