I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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