im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
