I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
