He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
