dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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