wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sorry about my life...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
