the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Of course I have a pirate flag
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
