quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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