At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
