I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
