nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
