My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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