i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
