ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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