God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
