There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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