Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
