It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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