I think i sorta joined a cult last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
