It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
