her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
