Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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