p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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