He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
