i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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