260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
