You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have feelings that need drinking.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
