; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
