just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
