hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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