Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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