did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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