Already got asked if we're dating
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
