I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
