how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
