Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
