Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
