I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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