Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
