and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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