I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
