I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm passing your future prison.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
