Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
