I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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