What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
