I puked a lego.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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