Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
