She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I will pee on everything he values.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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