sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The air was thick with penises
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
