Whod you bang
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
