U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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