...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
