How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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