i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
