I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
