In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
