We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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