before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
