I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Shame is for Republicans.
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