Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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