I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
