It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
