I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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