i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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