Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
