Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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