i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
