I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
