We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
