I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
