how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
