oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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