i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
