I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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