i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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